Time, Death, and Atheism

I am now twenty years, one day, twelve hours, and thirty-two minutes old, and it doesn't seem like it.

I find that the older I become, the faster time goes. As a child, I thought a day lasted forever. Now as a young adult, it goes by faster than I want.

Now that I have recently become an atheist, I have become more aware of time because this is the only life I have and I don't want to waste it.

A second passes and it's gone forever. Another day, month, year passes and they're gone forever. It's hard for me to understand.

Infinity is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I did not exist for 13.7 billion years, and I will not exist after my death. That is the hardest part for me to accept as an atheist.

I suppose it wouldn't be too bad being nothing after I die. My body will decompose and become part of the earth. After our sun and planet is destroyed, my atoms may become part of another star or another planet or another sentient lifeform. I will be immortal through physical reincarnation.

I'm only here on this planet for a short time. I want to make the best of things. I hope I will make a difference, however small, on this world.

The Mark

This is a poem based from my story "The Ties That Bind." If you're not familiar with the story, I hope you enjoy it anyway.

I bear the mark in my wrist.
I can't buy or sell without it.
Without it, I don't exist.

The numbers 666 are not marked on me;
though some people would say I do.
They would say I am part demon.

I hear others' thoughts,
make things fly,
see into their souls.

I bear the mark of being
different,
special,
a freak,
gifted,
whatever label you want to give me.

I mark myself as
homo sapiens,
human,
a person,
an individual,
just another human being.

I bear the mark of being me.

You bear the mark of accepting that.

What To Say

Now that I have the astronomical number of three followers, I should update more often.

What to say?

I don't know.

I'll be in my twenties in three weeks and two days.

I can't wait for this semester to be over.

I hope I get the classes I want for summer and fall.

I need to find a summer job.

Character Schizophrenia

Why are my characters always in my head?

Characters in stories I haven't even written because I have several other stories that I am working on or that I need to plan and research for.

Last night, I had a new character pop into my head. Her first name is Ophelia. Her mother died when she was a baby and her father is an English professor who hates modern society and kept his daughter sheltered from the outside world.

Ophelia is nineteen and works in a used bookstore. She never wears pants because she was raised to never wear them. She listens to folk and classical music and doesn't watch TV. She studies Classics and English Literature at her college. She was homeschooled and can speak or at least read and write in several different languages.

She's a snob and naive of the world outside of her sphere.

What am I going to do with her? I don't know, but I'll come up with something.

A career in speech pathology

I think I have finally decided what career I want.

Speech pathology.

I'm interested in words and language and how they work together. It has job security, good pay, and job flexibility.

At my education field experience this semester, I watch a speech pathologist when the class I help with and watch is at art. I do plan on watching speech pathologists in other settings, but a school setting is all I can do now.

I wish my school had a Communication Sciences and Disorders major. My plan right now is to switch from an English Education major to an English Literature major. I will take classes that would help me prepare for classes such as courses in child psychology, language development, anatomy, etc. I also hope to graduate in two years and take at least a semester off before grad school because I know I will be burned out. I could work and do some traveling on my time off from school.

Those are my plans for now. They might change.

If anyone reads this post and is a speech pathologist or studying to be one, I would appreciate some advice about the profession, classes to take, etc.

No progress on my paper yet. I really should work on it today because it's due Thursday morning.

I wrote one more part for my other story. No planning or researching For the Greater Good yet. I think I'll wait until after finals which will be the week after next.

I don't know what I'm going to do during my Christmas break.

If anyone does read this, please ignore my whining in my August 16th post. I guess I was feeling a bit emo.

Update on me.

I finally found a job. I'm a writing tutor at my college tutoring center.

I finished my first rough draft of my first book. I just have to get started on the prequel sometime. The current working title for the prequel is For the Greater Good. I hope to get some planning, research, and outlining done on it over Thanksgiving break if I don't have much homework.

I don't want to write my lit paper today, but I need to have five pages by Tuesday morning. Oi.