No progress on my paper yet. I really should work on it today because it's due Thursday morning.

I wrote one more part for my other story. No planning or researching For the Greater Good yet. I think I'll wait until after finals which will be the week after next.

I don't know what I'm going to do during my Christmas break.

If anyone does read this, please ignore my whining in my August 16th post. I guess I was feeling a bit emo.

Update on me.

I finally found a job. I'm a writing tutor at my college tutoring center.

I finished my first rough draft of my first book. I just have to get started on the prequel sometime. The current working title for the prequel is For the Greater Good. I hope to get some planning, research, and outlining done on it over Thanksgiving break if I don't have much homework.

I don't want to write my lit paper today, but I need to have five pages by Tuesday morning. Oi.

Writing and Coping With Loneliness

Loneliness is a bitch.

There, I said it.

I doubt that many people would disagree with me. I'm not talking about solitude and spending time alone, which is a must need for anyone, especially for an introvert such as myself. I'm talking about the nobody-wants-you-around-and-you-want-a-friend-to-spend-time-with type of loneliness.

I don't know if anyone is interested in the ramblings of a nineteen-year-old aspiring author who doesn't know what she wants from life. Ideally, I would make a living from writing, but in reality, I need a career or a practical job that will pay the bills until I make my big break. That's what I'm going to college for, right? I write almost every day, trying to learn a craft that has been practiced for centuries.

Other people have complimented my writing and my plot. A fellow writer on the site I post on says I have great potential and that I'm just a very young writer with a lot to learn. I admit that I still have a lot of learn and need a lot of practice before I'm publishable. Now why did I go from writing about loneliness and to writing about writing?

Because for me, I believe that writing is a way for me to cope with my loneliness. Now I am not putting all writers into a stereotypical role in which they are depressed and never see people or the day of light. I am talking about me personally.

Now don't get me wrong. I love writing. I have always loved to read. I believe my new love of writing stems from my love of reading. I enjoy making up stories. I have always imagined what might have been in books I have read. I love writing. I know I am good at it and will improve the more I use and practice my ability.

I enjoy all of my time I spend reading and writing and imagining. I like spending time on the Internet and I have made friends on the sites I belong to, but I miss human contact.

I don't live alone. I live with my grandmother, but she is sixty years older than me and we don't have much in common. Yes, I have a driver's license and I do go to college, but I don't have a lot of close friends.

I don't mind talking to people, but I don't like to spend all of my time with people. I prefer to entertain myself.

I think all of my loneliness stem from grade school where I was ostracized for whatever reasons my classmates chose. I don't think I helped myself by overreacting sometimes, but I've haven't been comfortable in social situations, outside of school, with those my age in years. Now I have the attitude that I shouldn't bother anybody outside of school, I shouldn't waste anybody's time when they could be spending it with someone they like more, and that nobody wants to be my friend.

I know that I'm overreacting and possibly paranoid. I worry over whether I say the right thing. I don't want to seem annoying or overbearing. I like to think I'm a likeable person, even if I'm somewhat socially awkward.

Maybe that's why I write characters who are dealing with tough situations, where they feel lonely and like no one knows what they are going through. My writing does tend to be overtly dramatic. I think it's because of my lonely life and of the pent up feelings that I only feel comfortable releasing on the Internet in my writing.

I don't know if anyone will read this, but if there are any other lonely people out there, go ahead and reply.

Writing my first book

Okay, so I didn't take the Vector Sales Job. I researched on the Internet that a lot of people think it's a scam, so I decided not to go to the training. While I am still unemployed, I figure it's better than pressuring people to buy things they don't want.

I am still writing my first attempted novel. I'm at 130 pages and 47,000+ words, but it's getting there. I am also planning a prequel and I need to start research on it after I finish the first draft of my first book. I think I'll try to publish the prequel first and go back and edit/rewrite my first book.

One of my problems is that I have too many points of view and too many subplots going on. I try to keep my characters and plot consistent on the website I post the story on, but I can see where readers may get lost. One of the other writers on the site pointed this out to me and she has a point. I have to keep going with the direction I'm in because people expect me to. I post my book to give me an incentive to finish.

I started writing last December to give me something to do over Christmas vacation. I write a short story. The story was melodramatic, but people enjoyed it, so I continued. I finished the first story and started on the second, the book I'm writing now. The plot isn't going where I originally intended, but it doesn't hurt to try the way I'm going now. And the plot gave me ideas for a prequel, which in turn will lay a better foundation for my current book.

I am trying my best to become a good writer and I hope someday to write something that will reach people. Only time will tell.

I have finally found a job. I am going to be a sales representative for Vector Marketing, a company that sells Costco products. It's not the most exciting job in the world, but I can make my own schedule and work around summer school. I hope to make some money and maybe I'll like the job enough to continue when I go back to school full-time in the fall.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day. I don't have any relatives who are serving in Iraq or Afghanistan, but I am glad there is a day to commerate those who have served our country. Whether you disagree with war or not, the troops should have respect. So to all soldiers, thank you for serving and protecting our country.

Intro

This first post is not the most interesting, but it doesn't hurt to give an introduction to me if anyone else reads this. I am 19 years old, a college student, job-looker, and an aspiring writer. I hope to have something important to say in this blog and to share some of my writing. I also enjoy reading and seriously considering an English major.

That's me in a very shallow nutshell and I hope somebody will enjoy this blog.