Writing and Coping With Loneliness

Loneliness is a bitch.

There, I said it.

I doubt that many people would disagree with me. I'm not talking about solitude and spending time alone, which is a must need for anyone, especially for an introvert such as myself. I'm talking about the nobody-wants-you-around-and-you-want-a-friend-to-spend-time-with type of loneliness.

I don't know if anyone is interested in the ramblings of a nineteen-year-old aspiring author who doesn't know what she wants from life. Ideally, I would make a living from writing, but in reality, I need a career or a practical job that will pay the bills until I make my big break. That's what I'm going to college for, right? I write almost every day, trying to learn a craft that has been practiced for centuries.

Other people have complimented my writing and my plot. A fellow writer on the site I post on says I have great potential and that I'm just a very young writer with a lot to learn. I admit that I still have a lot of learn and need a lot of practice before I'm publishable. Now why did I go from writing about loneliness and to writing about writing?

Because for me, I believe that writing is a way for me to cope with my loneliness. Now I am not putting all writers into a stereotypical role in which they are depressed and never see people or the day of light. I am talking about me personally.

Now don't get me wrong. I love writing. I have always loved to read. I believe my new love of writing stems from my love of reading. I enjoy making up stories. I have always imagined what might have been in books I have read. I love writing. I know I am good at it and will improve the more I use and practice my ability.

I enjoy all of my time I spend reading and writing and imagining. I like spending time on the Internet and I have made friends on the sites I belong to, but I miss human contact.

I don't live alone. I live with my grandmother, but she is sixty years older than me and we don't have much in common. Yes, I have a driver's license and I do go to college, but I don't have a lot of close friends.

I don't mind talking to people, but I don't like to spend all of my time with people. I prefer to entertain myself.

I think all of my loneliness stem from grade school where I was ostracized for whatever reasons my classmates chose. I don't think I helped myself by overreacting sometimes, but I've haven't been comfortable in social situations, outside of school, with those my age in years. Now I have the attitude that I shouldn't bother anybody outside of school, I shouldn't waste anybody's time when they could be spending it with someone they like more, and that nobody wants to be my friend.

I know that I'm overreacting and possibly paranoid. I worry over whether I say the right thing. I don't want to seem annoying or overbearing. I like to think I'm a likeable person, even if I'm somewhat socially awkward.

Maybe that's why I write characters who are dealing with tough situations, where they feel lonely and like no one knows what they are going through. My writing does tend to be overtly dramatic. I think it's because of my lonely life and of the pent up feelings that I only feel comfortable releasing on the Internet in my writing.

I don't know if anyone will read this, but if there are any other lonely people out there, go ahead and reply.