This is from one of the people that I am subscribed to on Youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9fc-crEFDw&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

It's Just the First Draft

... I have to keep telling myself.

Telling myself that this draft of For the Greater Good is just the first one and that I can add/delete/edit later is keeping me from thinking that it's crap and that I should scrap it. Of course, I'm writing the first draft for an audience, which makes me even more critical of my writing, but sometimes I just want to tell my editor to go screw itself and let me write.

Everyone is supposed to be their own worst critic, right? I think part of my problem is that I have improved in my writing so I can catch my mistakes and be more careful with the words I use. Rereading the first draft of The Ties That Bind, I cringe at some parts and can see where I got off track from what I had originally envisioned. (Like adding in the baby and then the idea extending to a trilogy.)

Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on myself. Maybe I'll like how For the Greater Good turns out. Just have to go along for the ride and see where the story and characters take me.

I finally got the Internet back. It turns out it was a modem problem, not the electrical pole, like the cable company told me. Well, whatever.

School starts again next week. I think some of my classes will be interesting like History of the English Language and Literature and Science (as a theme, not a science requirement).

I don't really have anything interesting to put, lol.

So I did not keep to my one poem a day for a month promise. Not that I would've kept it, anyway, because the Internet has been out at my house for about two weeks. School starts again in less than three weeks. I'm taking five classes, but three of them meet once a week. I'm actually sort of glad school starts up again because I need things to do again. That's it for now.

Inside the looking glass,
there is a world reflected.
A dark world,
full of dying trees, black grass and gray skies.
What do I see reflected?
Is it my soul?

First poem of the month:

The hour is getting late.
I have too much hate.
I need a sharp knife.
It's time to say good night.

I am currently reading The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood, and in Gilead (the US), women are not allowed to read or write. I don't want to imagine what would happen if I were forbidden to read and write.

The protagonist has a pillow in her room that has a faded word, "Faith," on it. She spends hours reading and rereading the word. I would do the same thing.

For me, reading and writing are essential parts of life. They allow me to learn, to be creative, to gain knowledge. I have something to do when I'm bored, such as read a book or work on my poems or stories. I would go insane if I were forbidden to read and write.


I've decided to write a poem every day of July. I need to get more practice in writing poetry. Let's see how well that goes.

kate nash - skeleton song

Sorry about the lyrics format.

Skeleton you are my friend

But you are made of bone,

And you have got no flesh and blood

Running through you to help protect the bone

Skeleton we have been friends for years

And you have seen me through some trials

And tribulations and some tears

But everybody thinks I'm weird

And I should have known

That it wouldn't be long

Until you, you've got me standing in an awkward position

With unwanted attention and a need for explanation

And it's not that I'm letting go of you

But I don't know what to do

Skeleton we are so close

But you have got no body

So why do you insist on wearing clothes

Skeleton when we were young

It was easy

Even though the other kids

They would tease me

But I was only seven I had you

But now I'm twenty-two

And now it's different, when I take you out

And you, you've got me standing in an awkward position

With unwanted attention and a need for explanation

And it's not that I'm letting go of you

But I don't know what to do

'Cause sometimes at night,I dream of the most terrible things

I take a hammer and I creep out of bed

And I raise it high

And I smash your head

Fibular and tubular

And ribs and cages, too

In fact, while I'm here

I'll smash the whole of you

Smaaaaaaaaaaash!

But Skeleton, you are my friend

And I could never bring your life to an end

Yes Skeleton you are, you are my friend

And I will be there for you until the end

And even though, when I take you out

You've got me, you've got me standing in an awkward position

With unwanted attention and a need for explanation

I could, I could never let you go

And that is all I know

And that is all I know

And that is all I, that is all I know

And that is all I know, know

So I signed up with Textbroker, a ghostwriting freelance site, and have had two articles accepted. I tested into being a Level 4 writer, which means "excellent." I just need to quit being lazy and set up my Paypal and fill out the tax form for employment so I can get paid.

I should start doing researching and outlining for For The Greater Good.

I'm also starting to wonder which of my books will be published first. I was not planning on The Ties That Bind to turn into a trilogy spanning across three generations and I definitely wasn't planning on it becoming as popular as it did on USM. So far it's looking like A Path to Another World might be published first, if I stick to it and I'm able to follow what I'm planning.

I think my astronomy class will be pretty easy. I'm also going to Oregon next week and will be getting away for a few days, which is good because I need other scenery than fields and tractors.

Freelance Writing?

Lately, I've been thinking about getting into freelance writing. I figure that it would be a good way to:

1. Get my foot in the door of the writing and publishing world.

2. Improve my writing.

3. Make some extra money.

I'll have to look more into it, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. Should I go for it?

Summer Jobs and What Not

I haven't been able to find a summer job yet. There's one I might get. I might tutor seven-year-old twin boys in their reading and writing. However, another person who had called just before I went to their house and said she had worked with the boys during the school year. She's also the niece of one of the twins' teachers.

I probably won't get the job, but the father of the boys told me that at his work place they are always hiring. It's a service for developmentally delayed adults and the jobs I will apply for next week would be to help watch/take care of the adults. If I got this job, it would be helpful in helping decide if I want to be a speech therapist.

I have the opportunity to job shadow a speech therapist on the 24th and 27th. On the 24th, I will watch her work with adults; the 27th will be me watching children. At least no one can blame me for not thinking of my future.

Summer school starts in two weeks. I'll be taking astronomy to finish my science requirements.

That's it for now.

Goals For My Twenties

Here is a list of things I want to accomplish during my twenties.

1. Finish school.

2. Travel to another country.

3. Publish a book.

4. Start a successful career.

5. Meet someone famous.

6. Meet my Internet friends. (I'm already doing that in June.)

7. Move out of my home.

Things that might get done.

1. Have children. I want 1-3 children.

2. Get married. I would prefer this to happen towards the end of my twenties.

3. Anything else important that may happen.

What are your goals?

Time, Death, and Atheism

I am now twenty years, one day, twelve hours, and thirty-two minutes old, and it doesn't seem like it.

I find that the older I become, the faster time goes. As a child, I thought a day lasted forever. Now as a young adult, it goes by faster than I want.

Now that I have recently become an atheist, I have become more aware of time because this is the only life I have and I don't want to waste it.

A second passes and it's gone forever. Another day, month, year passes and they're gone forever. It's hard for me to understand.

Infinity is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I did not exist for 13.7 billion years, and I will not exist after my death. That is the hardest part for me to accept as an atheist.

I suppose it wouldn't be too bad being nothing after I die. My body will decompose and become part of the earth. After our sun and planet is destroyed, my atoms may become part of another star or another planet or another sentient lifeform. I will be immortal through physical reincarnation.

I'm only here on this planet for a short time. I want to make the best of things. I hope I will make a difference, however small, on this world.

The Mark

This is a poem based from my story "The Ties That Bind." If you're not familiar with the story, I hope you enjoy it anyway.

I bear the mark in my wrist.
I can't buy or sell without it.
Without it, I don't exist.

The numbers 666 are not marked on me;
though some people would say I do.
They would say I am part demon.

I hear others' thoughts,
make things fly,
see into their souls.

I bear the mark of being
different,
special,
a freak,
gifted,
whatever label you want to give me.

I mark myself as
homo sapiens,
human,
a person,
an individual,
just another human being.

I bear the mark of being me.

You bear the mark of accepting that.

What To Say

Now that I have the astronomical number of three followers, I should update more often.

What to say?

I don't know.

I'll be in my twenties in three weeks and two days.

I can't wait for this semester to be over.

I hope I get the classes I want for summer and fall.

I need to find a summer job.

Character Schizophrenia

Why are my characters always in my head?

Characters in stories I haven't even written because I have several other stories that I am working on or that I need to plan and research for.

Last night, I had a new character pop into my head. Her first name is Ophelia. Her mother died when she was a baby and her father is an English professor who hates modern society and kept his daughter sheltered from the outside world.

Ophelia is nineteen and works in a used bookstore. She never wears pants because she was raised to never wear them. She listens to folk and classical music and doesn't watch TV. She studies Classics and English Literature at her college. She was homeschooled and can speak or at least read and write in several different languages.

She's a snob and naive of the world outside of her sphere.

What am I going to do with her? I don't know, but I'll come up with something.

A career in speech pathology

I think I have finally decided what career I want.

Speech pathology.

I'm interested in words and language and how they work together. It has job security, good pay, and job flexibility.

At my education field experience this semester, I watch a speech pathologist when the class I help with and watch is at art. I do plan on watching speech pathologists in other settings, but a school setting is all I can do now.

I wish my school had a Communication Sciences and Disorders major. My plan right now is to switch from an English Education major to an English Literature major. I will take classes that would help me prepare for classes such as courses in child psychology, language development, anatomy, etc. I also hope to graduate in two years and take at least a semester off before grad school because I know I will be burned out. I could work and do some traveling on my time off from school.

Those are my plans for now. They might change.

If anyone reads this post and is a speech pathologist or studying to be one, I would appreciate some advice about the profession, classes to take, etc.